Philip Matthews
Autonomous, Automaton
(“I understood her, her likes and dislikes and how she communicated this;
if there was any attempt to communicate that something wasn’t desired, I
had the acute ability to understand that.”)
He simulated her so as to become the victim Copied
her body to his body, her voice to his voice
Put forward his version of events as demonstrated in the voice recordings
of her voice in his mouth
Opened his mouth and let her voice speak
To say nothing of his own
He moved to the other side of, digitally simulating: her
The Panel did believe
The Panel believes the Respondent
The Panel acknowledges the Respondent as a person
The Panel notes he is verbally clear
To say “no”
Or to say that she was uncomfortable, did not want contact
Was fearful of speaking up
Was afraid of him when he threw keys across the apartment and stood naked in front of a door
Violent
But in fact, it was she who physically slapped him in the face
— How else could she touch him to move him? who has conflated
violent-erotic touch
In the days and weeks following, the Respondent kept speaking
with her voice in his mouth
Well-spoken, verbally skilled, passionately in discussions and arguments
In all previous interactions, the Panel was convinced
He simulated her so as to become the victim
Put forward his version of events as demonstrated in the voice recordings
of her voice in his mouth
Via texts, lengthy phone calls, naked FaceTimes
Opened his mouth and let her voice speak
To say nothing of his own
“he said to me, alarming, when i touch you whenever i want because we love each other, i touch myself
“i did not go home, i decided to go back
“i came back
“i had to ask him where are you going?
“we were in his car he was driving erratically
“and turned away from him
“i continued pulling away
“he spent some time unsuccessfully trying to point his finger in the past
“at that point i started pulling away more actively. each time I pulled away, I kept thinking, I’ll say something. if he does anything more, I’ll say something. but I found myself unable to say anything, I kept putting it off.”
At no point did he, shocked and shivering, in disbelief about what he had just done, with eyes open and sitting up, say that it had been a mistake or misunderstanding or chance for a brief moment with favorable response.
At no point did he, overcome with panic and revulsion, say anything about what he had just done, but repeated, I would never touch you if you didn’t want to be touched. I would never touch you if I didn’t want to be touched. I would never touch you if I didn’t want to touch you. i could never do that to you. i could never do that to me. me-me-me, and cleared his throat.
At one point I slapped him in the face as he’d tried to wear mine.
There is no lock against the point he resumed saying, why are you doing this to me? and
I will love you forever and
how can you do this to us? and
we were both fully awake and enjoying it and you were responding to meand
we were engaged in normal conversation and
isn’t that the saliva and your cum from us touching? and
I will never understand
As if to a handheld mirror.