Lara Mimosa Montes

After Considering & Upon Reflecting

After considering
& upon reflecting,
the world court
tries to say some-
thing about us, our
desires; these seem
to move opposite
the truth, always con-
sorting with permission
a devil; what I like
least about love is
its violent terms
so I advise the truth
in you to ask itself,
if it feels / outside
yourself, “do I
have someone?” &
in this context what
does “have” mean -
what truth do you need
to imagine to stay
alive – nevertheless,
the outside finds a way
to force its way in all
the time; meanwhile
language renders you
something clitoral,
something sexed so
though I suspect we
are not wed yet,
not dead yet nor
married & made wife
yet to words intended
to diminish us, if we
are embodied, subject
& therefor bereft
of belief, our bodies
blank, indicative of the
nothing they fail to ex-
press, under what
circumstances could
we expect to hold
the history inside
the place you call
December 18th
and the fractions
and the partitions
said day contains?
no truth in that
however, what I will
confess is something
I dreamt, not about
my ex; rather a dream
about the life-affirming
facts wherein I smoke;
I skirt; I leap; I sex
the-grey-area inside
the fricative hum
that accompanies
the predictable he
him / his / ho / ha but
as the hours waited for
the truth when there is
no such thing (if
the broken space
between narrative rico-
chets around jargon
like open shut throat
cut) the voice, is it sex
the voice, is it violence
…you stood before
the threshold of another
erratic feeling but what
reveals itself is not
the mouth nor the word
“no” key to my refusal
as it stands still before
the door (is it me) that
does and doesn’t moan